During my mother’s struggle with dementia, I sometimes wished I had siblings to share the load of caring for her and the grief of seeing her become someone so different from the mother I loved. As you demonstrated in your comments, often, having siblings isn’t a guarantee of support and help. I have a friend who cared for her mother 12 years, while only one of four brothers offered any help. They only argued that the mother had no business leaving the house to the daughter who cared for their mother day and night for years. Perhaps, in this sense, bearing the burden alone isn’t such a bad thing.
My husband is bearing the burden of his mother's death, just two months after my own, on his own. It is a relief in many ways for him to just be able to make unilateral decisions and in other ways, more difficult. I'm not sure there is any good way but it certain is individual. Thank you for sharing.
In the anger, the rage, the bitter darkness, the pain, the grief, the love. It’s a gift to find those who can understand it all and who choose to stay open to experience it all. Who are here screaming FUCK as an adjective, verb, and noun as much as we damn well please because….well all this is fucked and screaming helps sometimes.
Wow. Thank you for writing such a powerful, deep and thought provoking piece. Everyone does grief differently as evidenced by your siblings. In a way I feel sorry for them that they can’t recognize when other people are hurting. It’s a gift to be able to offer love and support to someone who is grieving. Grief is good - good grief.
How could you not resent those brothers who stayed away and wanted to move so quickly onto the money aspect? And forgiveness? Have they asked for it? Do they see they've done anything wrong? I had 3 of my 4 siblings behave atrociously ON CHRISTMAS, 2 days after my daughter passed away. (The 4th wasn't even aware she had passed. Nobody called him directly; just left a VM which he hadn't received since he was under the weather). They all sickened me beyond imagination. One apologized and I forgave. The others I forgave internally so they would not use my energy, but I have no relationship with them and never will. They "didn't think they did anything worth forgiving." They are not people I want in my life. Much easier when you know someone's true colors.
During my mother’s struggle with dementia, I sometimes wished I had siblings to share the load of caring for her and the grief of seeing her become someone so different from the mother I loved. As you demonstrated in your comments, often, having siblings isn’t a guarantee of support and help. I have a friend who cared for her mother 12 years, while only one of four brothers offered any help. They only argued that the mother had no business leaving the house to the daughter who cared for their mother day and night for years. Perhaps, in this sense, bearing the burden alone isn’t such a bad thing.
My husband is bearing the burden of his mother's death, just two months after my own, on his own. It is a relief in many ways for him to just be able to make unilateral decisions and in other ways, more difficult. I'm not sure there is any good way but it certain is individual. Thank you for sharing.
“It turns out I wasn’t alone.“
In the anger, the rage, the bitter darkness, the pain, the grief, the love. It’s a gift to find those who can understand it all and who choose to stay open to experience it all. Who are here screaming FUCK as an adjective, verb, and noun as much as we damn well please because….well all this is fucked and screaming helps sometimes.
Yes. Yes. And Yes! xoxo
Wow. Thank you for writing such a powerful, deep and thought provoking piece. Everyone does grief differently as evidenced by your siblings. In a way I feel sorry for them that they can’t recognize when other people are hurting. It’s a gift to be able to offer love and support to someone who is grieving. Grief is good - good grief.
How could you not resent those brothers who stayed away and wanted to move so quickly onto the money aspect? And forgiveness? Have they asked for it? Do they see they've done anything wrong? I had 3 of my 4 siblings behave atrociously ON CHRISTMAS, 2 days after my daughter passed away. (The 4th wasn't even aware she had passed. Nobody called him directly; just left a VM which he hadn't received since he was under the weather). They all sickened me beyond imagination. One apologized and I forgave. The others I forgave internally so they would not use my energy, but I have no relationship with them and never will. They "didn't think they did anything worth forgiving." They are not people I want in my life. Much easier when you know someone's true colors.